We Didn't Give Our Kids Screens Until High School. Here's What Happened.

My son is 17 and about to finish Year 12. My daughter is 14. Neither of them had a personal device until they started high school.

No iPad at the restaurant. No phone on the car ride. No YouTube before bed.

We weren't anti-technology. We had gaming consoles. We still do. But they were family experiences. We played together, laughed together, competed together. The screen was in the living room, not in their pocket. It was something we shared, not something they disappeared into alone.

Beyond that, we gave them drums, guitars, paintbrushes, and conversations.

People thought we were crazy.

What the research says

The dopamine response that social media triggers in a developing brain is structurally similar to what drugs do. Not metaphorically. Literally. The same neural pathways. The same reward loops. The same tolerance building that means you need more and more stimulation to feel the same thing.

A 2023 study from the US Surgeon General's advisory found that adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms. The American Psychological Association's 2024 report confirmed that algorithmic feeds are specifically designed to exploit the developing prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for judgement, impulse control, and decision-making.

The exact skills we should be building in kids, tech companies are actively undermining.

I knew this early. Not because I'm anti-technology. I'm a product manager. I've spent my career building technology, including education products used by millions of students at Microsoft. I understand exactly how these systems are designed.

And that's precisely why I didn't hand them to my children.

Taste and judgement

Instead, we focused on two things: taste and judgement.

Taste is the ability to recognise quality. To know the difference between something meaningful and something manufactured. You don't develop taste by scrolling. You develop it by playing an instrument badly for three years until it starts to sound beautiful. By reading books that challenge you. By sitting in a room with humans and learning to read the energy.

Judgement is the ability to make good decisions with imperfect information. You don't develop judgement by watching 15-second clips. You develop it by navigating real relationships, real consequences, real conversations with people who disagree with you.

We fed our kids a steady diet of truth about how social media algorithms actually work. Not to scare them. To inform them. So they could make their own choices and be accountable for their own online presence.

They chose not to be on devices.

Not because we forced it. Because they understood the trade-off and decided it wasn't worth it.

Where it led

Here's where it led.

My son is a world-class drummer. He's auditioning for the Sydney Conservatorium of Music this year, with his sights on Berklee College of Music in Boston. He only recently got Instagram, and only because he's building a business around music coaching. His first device, used for enterprise, not escape.

My daughter is a talented artist and musician. She wants to be a teacher. She's 14 and she already knows she wants to help other people grow. That doesn't come from an algorithm. That comes from being in rooms with humans and learning that connection is the most valuable thing there is.

Both of them earned places at selective creative and performing arts high schools. Not because we pushed them. Because when you remove the digital noise, kids naturally gravitate toward the things that actually fulfil them.

What surprises people most

But here's the thing that surprises people most.

They stay at the dinner table.

Every time. Without being asked.

When we have guests over, no matter the age, my kids sit, talk, listen, engage, and learn. They never reach for a device. They ask questions. They hold eye contact. They're genuinely curious about other humans.

Ask any of our friends. They'll tell you the same thing.

My son will, without anyone nagging him, go and play drums for two hours. My daughter will sit and draw. Not because they're bored. Because they developed the internal resources to entertain themselves, challenge themselves, and find meaning without a screen telling them what to feel.

The pushback

Have I copped pushback from other parents? Of course.

"They'll fall behind." "They need to learn technology early." "You're sheltering them."

With respect: my son is auditioning for one of the most competitive music programmes in the country and building a coaching business at 17. My daughter is at a selective arts school and already knows she wants to teach. They can hold a conversation with anyone from 8 to 80.

They didn't fall behind. They got ahead. Just not in the way most people measure it.

The idea that kids need devices early to "keep up" is a lie told by the companies selling the devices. Kids need human skills first. The tech is the easy part. You can learn an interface in a week. You can't learn judgement, taste, empathy, and genuine human connection from a screen. Those take years of real, unmediated experience.

Why I'm writing this

I'm not writing this to tell anyone how to parent.

I'm writing it because I spent 15 years building technology products, and I've seen from the inside how these systems are designed to capture attention, not develop minds.

The most important product I've ever built isn't software. It's two humans who can think for themselves, create something from nothing, and sit at a table with other people and actually be present.

No app can do that.

If you're a parent navigating this, I see you. It's not easy going against the current. But the research is clear, the results speak for themselves, and your kids are more resilient than the algorithm gives them credit for.